You just made me feel so damn special
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
