i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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