Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm passing your future prison.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
