Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
