grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
