You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
