You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
