i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
