He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
