"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
