who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
