Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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