in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
