You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
