She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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