last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Randomize
