I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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