My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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