her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
