And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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