just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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