Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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