i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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