The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
