sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
