She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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