oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
