how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
