you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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