my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
