You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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