Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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