Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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