The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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