i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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