You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
