I bet he comes in French.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
