i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
