So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
