the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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