she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
