Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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