I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
