..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
