my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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