Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
