I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
