Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
