Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
