your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
