guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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