If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
